Courtroom Bloopers

English: New York Times courtroom sketch of Ka...Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every statement made during the proceedings. Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books – Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court. From Mrs. Gilman’s two volumes, here are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by America’s keepers of the word:

Q. What is your brother-in-law’s name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What’s his first name?
A. I can’t remember.
Q. He’s been your brother-in-law for years, and you can’t remember his first name?
A. No. I tell you I’m too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God’s sake, tell them your first name!

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people. Continue reading

Hell Story

Over the years, (in the name of research, of course) I have collected quite a number of jokes, quips, humourous quotes, funny stories, etc., garnered from clippings, internet research and so forth, meant mainly for use in sermons and other writings. If you’ve seen them before, well and good, if not I hope you enjoy them. I’ll post them little by little as time goes by.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was “so profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Continue reading

Only In America pt 2

Image of advert from advertising paper illustrating a man in a truck pointing a rifle at a turkey.

"I say, that bristly looking fellow's got a gun... And he's pointing it right me... I... I... I think he's going to shoot! Ohhhh, I feel faint... Ohhhhhhhh..."

OMG! It keeps getting better! Now we have a new character, and poor old Mr (or is that Mrs, I can’t tell) Turkey has a definite worried look. Better run for them thar hills, Boy. Just as well it’s not a pheasant or I’m sure that ‘game’ old boy in the truck would be a pheasant plucker’s son. Anyone need stuffing?